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Although Samantha had three significant romantic relationships during the run of the show including a lesbian relationship , she has never set out to find a relationship. We still equate sex with love, and love with commitment. Sex is now an accepted recreational activity. We can keep minor safety violations in perspective. Carrie, however, is looking for something more than just sex—she is looking for a relationship. What most of us crave, however, is not sex, but intimacy. And we equate love and commitment with vulnerability, responsibility, and the fear that our needs will not be met. Our objective in our romantic relationships is to feel loved. As we get to know our partners over time, we create a foundation of trust and familiarity. These walls, however, block the emotional and spiritual connections we experienced that made us want to get to know each other in the first place. For Charlotte, sex should only be part of a committed relationship. She has no guilt or shame associated with sex. They each have a different approach to sex, love and relationships, and between them they cover a broad spectrum of expectations and attitudes towards sex. When we experience an orgasm, we reveal ourselves more completely and more honestly than at any other time. The level of intimacy we experience through sex can be threatening to many of us, particularly if the sex occurs early in the relationship. We let our egos die for a moment, and we have the chance to experience a true connection with another person.
The challenge is that the only model most of us have for expressing or experiencing intimacy is sex. And we equate love and commitment with vulnerability, responsibility, and the fear that our needs will not be met. We still equate sex with love, and love with commitment. Ironically, the only reason that they manage to do this is that sex can never be a part of their relationship, since Will is gay. She has no guilt or shame associated with sex. But sex and intimacy are still connected. They validate and support each other, and they share the kind of emotional connections that most of us truly crave in our lives. For Charlotte, sex should only be part of a committed relationship. They each have a different approach to sex, love and relationships, and between them they cover a broad spectrum of expectations and attitudes towards sex. Ultimately, love involves a balance of sex and intimacy. As we get to know our partners over time, we create a foundation of trust and familiarity. The main characters have become so much a part of popular culture that many women use them as reference points to describe their own patterns and feelings about sex. For Miranda, sex is more than just sex—it implies some kind of commitment, and requires some kind of emotional connection. Two popular television shows demonstrate our current approaches to sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex. The four main characters are smart, independent, decent, professional, attractive women. Women and gay men have always shared a special bond. We may have overcome our fear and shame about sex, but many of us still have issues regarding intimacy. There is no real relationship to discuss. Sex is now an accepted recreational activity. Once she has sex with someone, she immediately begins to see him as a potential long-term romantic partner. Miranda needs to feel that sex is a part of a relationship—and she has, in the past, used sex as a way to try to initiate a relationship. The more intimate we become with someone, the more important it will be that we are able to express that intimacy through sex. Samantha is largely self-sufficient, and is able to meet her validation needs through her close friendships. Intimacy requires trust, and trust takes time. If we experience more intimacy than we can handle, we will feel threatened; our safety checklist will be triggered.
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